The Internet annoys me. I love it but still, it annoys the crap out of me. Back in the ol' dial-up days everything was so much better because there was moderation. When you managed to download a few photos or a song (3,5 mb usually took hours) it meant something. It was something you cherished.
Memories
Now everyone leaves their computer online 24/7 and no one pays attention to what is happening because we can't really miss anything. There is no real urgency. Never has a generation been offered so much knowledge and ironically, never has a generation been more stupid. I'm not some old geezer and I do appreciate technology, I really do. But you can't deny that the internet has made us dumber, lazier and unmotivated. You get the news, real time, on your freaking desktop now and no one bothers to read them anymore. Anything you might need to know or do is only a click away and still, ask a teenager about Libya and they'll stare at you blankly. Mention Facebook on the other hand, and they can chronologically list the layout changes from the beginning of time.
 |
| The original duckface |
Which brings us to today's focal point, Mark Zuckerberg. Not just another "internet gazillionaire" but the Internet Gazillionaire. The man who did something incredible "invented" the mother of all time-wasting sites, Facebook. Big deal. I could have invented Facebook. In fact, I did. I thought of Facebook first, yeeeeears before him (prove me wrong). So why don't I have his money?
Two reasons: I don't have the right connections. Not everyone has the chance to graduate from Phillips Exeter Academy and attend Harvard University. Also, if I had his money, the world wouldn't have been able to handle me. If it weren't for those two reasons, I would have been king of the world. Me, not him.
List of reasons why Mark Zuckerberg is better than me
Net Worth
Zuckerberg is worth around 17,5 billion as of September 2011.
My net worth is... less.
List of reasons why I am better than Mark Zuckerberg
a. I am far better looking
 |
| Me (I need to protect my identity, you understand) Weird Stoner Face |
b. I don't roam the streets in my bathrobe and slippers. Not lately, anyway.
c. My girlfriend is better than his.
 |
| His girlfriend My girlfriend |
d. I know I haven't invented anything (yet) but I am writing a movie which, I'm pretty sure is going to be the Citizen Kane of this century only not boring. It involves ghost-zombies or ghombies. That's right. Ghombies. In space. Muthafuckin' Ghombies in Muthafuckin' Space. People will keep watching my movie in shock and awe long after his stupid Facebook servers explode in his nasally exaggerated face.
 | |
| Too fuckin' right |
e. If I had a mythical amount of money in my bank account I would turn into either Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne. Or both. Or at least into a super-villain of some sort. Why is there no Iron Man or Batman flying around being all cool and shit? Because people with insane amounts of money are boring.
Bottom line: I'm not jealous of him. Not at all. I am superior and I know it. It's society that's keeping me down. And to prove a point, after I post this, I'm turning off my computer for a few hours and you should totally join me. Unless updating your Facebook status from your phone takes forever in which case, I understand.
2 comments:
I'd watch a movie about ghombies...even better if it was on 3D!I'd pay good money for that.
And so it begins...
Post a Comment