16. Batman and Robin - 1997
Being a huge Batman fan, in my books, Batman and Robin, is not a movie - it's an insult. That's right, I think this is Joel Schumacher's way of giving me the middle finger, the man obviously hates me.
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| Cheap-ass Batgirl |
Batman has different suits in many, many different colours. He has ice skates on his boots. The whole movie reeks of exceptionally bad one-liners. Robin is fascinatingly homosexual. And our favourite superhero keeps strutting his stuff right in our faces.
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| Doesn't leave much to the imagination |
Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone and Arnie were the only people who (seemingly) did not set out to destroy this movie - they were just being their usual terrible self.
17. Highlander II - The Quickening - 1991
The first Highlander was a brilliant movie with a definitive ending. Definitive as in it can't change. Connor MacLeod killed the Kurgan and was left being the "One", there were no more immortals left - nothing. And then they made a sequel. They resurrected dead characters, found some bogus reason explaining why Connor was ageing and they threw in aliens. Aliens.
Not even Sean Connery coming back from the dead could save this disaster.
18. The Matrix Revolutions - 2003
The biggest disappointment of all. After watching The Matrix Reloaded, fans everywhere thought: "The third one can't be worse. The only way is up, surely", and fans everywhere were wrong. What a piece of shit movie this was! I mean, no one was expecting brilliance but this is just a parody of what the movie was supposed to be.
Watching Revolutions actually made The Matrix less good in my mind. The Matrix was simple in its complexity and it was beautiful - that's what made it a success. Reloaded opened holes and left questions unanswered, the plot became heavy and hard to follow and the film took a more... theoretical turn. Then came Revolutions where everything was supposed to come together and what did we get instead? Love stories and incomprehensible blabbering.
Fuck this shit.
*As you can probably tell, his movie hurt me physically so if I can help it, I will not be watching it again. But if you can see past the damage it did to the first Matrix, it proudly deserves to be in this list - it is hilarious in its own awfulness.
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| And yet, he survives |
Watching Revolutions actually made The Matrix less good in my mind. The Matrix was simple in its complexity and it was beautiful - that's what made it a success. Reloaded opened holes and left questions unanswered, the plot became heavy and hard to follow and the film took a more... theoretical turn. Then came Revolutions where everything was supposed to come together and what did we get instead? Love stories and incomprehensible blabbering.
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| Puke |
Fuck this shit.
*As you can probably tell, his movie hurt me physically so if I can help it, I will not be watching it again. But if you can see past the damage it did to the first Matrix, it proudly deserves to be in this list - it is hilarious in its own awfulness.
19. Dreamcatcher - 2003
Based on a Stephen King novel, I'm having trouble trying to explain this movie in a few lines. How do you describe the indescribable? I'll give it a go but honestly, I won't do it justice.
Four friends meet up and go to a cabin in the woods where they meet someone who farts uncontrollably. We find out that the farter has an alien eel of sorts inside his body. The creature abandons the host through his anus leaving behind it a bloody mess. And here is where things get weird.
The four friends can communicate telepathically, a power given to them by a retarted kid when they were children. They use their power to fight the ass-eels (there are loads knocking about) and that's when Morgan Freeman and the entire US Army come in. A quarantine is enforced and the four friends turn for help to the retarded boy from their past who is now dying of leukemia. Morgan Freeman goes crazy. Oh and, the creatures are controlled by a huge monster-alien-type-thingy called Mr Gray.
This is the best I can do.
Four friends meet up and go to a cabin in the woods where they meet someone who farts uncontrollably. We find out that the farter has an alien eel of sorts inside his body. The creature abandons the host through his anus leaving behind it a bloody mess. And here is where things get weird.
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| Handsome bastard |
The four friends can communicate telepathically, a power given to them by a retarted kid when they were children. They use their power to fight the ass-eels (there are loads knocking about) and that's when Morgan Freeman and the entire US Army come in. A quarantine is enforced and the four friends turn for help to the retarded boy from their past who is now dying of leukemia. Morgan Freeman goes crazy. Oh and, the creatures are controlled by a huge monster-alien-type-thingy called Mr Gray.
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| Am I the only one seeing a fetus next to a scary-looking vagina? |
This is the best I can do.
20. Plan 9 from Outer Space - 1956
This is a different entry - Plan 9 is not a bad movie in a conventional way. It's more like a really awful, no-budget, no-effort home movie. Directed by notoriously eccentric Ed Wood, this is an incomprehensible creation about aliens resurrecting the Earth's dead in an effort to stop humans from creating a weapon of mass destruction that will destroy the universe.
Grab the pop-corn!
Writing these lists has made me obsessed with finding more and more hilarious cinematic disasters. Drop me a line or write your suggestion in the comments. I know there must be some obscure thriller somewhere that I don't know about - educate me!
Part I here
Part II here
Part III here
Grab the pop-corn!
Writing these lists has made me obsessed with finding more and more hilarious cinematic disasters. Drop me a line or write your suggestion in the comments. I know there must be some obscure thriller somewhere that I don't know about - educate me!
Part I here
Part II here
Part III here
3 comments:
alone in the dark! the worst movie ive ever seen
Matrix is the best of the best!
You're saving "Batman Forever" for another post, right? Because that movie sucked every bit as much as "Batman and Robin"! As far as I am concerned after Michael Keaton (and Tim Burton) the whole franchise went south... and yes, that includes the 2 new ones!
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