Are you dirt poor?
Do you know how much everything costs down to the last penny because you're used to only scraping just enough to buy what you need?
Do you frequently find yourself dying from hunger in the middle of a busy street while passers-by spit on you in disgust?
Fear not for I have all the answers!
You can still have fun and live a relatively normal life even if your home is mostly made of cardboard and your clothes wouldn't fit if it wasn't for the holes. I know you find it hard to believe but there are things you can do for free that will educate you, make you laugh and generally, give you that extra oomph you need to prevent you from killing yourself. So gather all your pennyless friends and let's have some fun!
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| Feel poor no more |
The first step you need to take to ensure you will enjoy yourself is to give up. Give up on all your hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow, give up on trying to get a better job (or a job), give up on trying to put aside some extra cash for the bills; just give up.
The economy is shyte, if you do have a job you will probably be fired soon, if you don't, there is absolutely no way you'll be able to get another one for years because you're too old/young/qualified and you won't be entitled to any significant help (even though you've been paying your taxes religiously for decades) because you're not a druggie or have a disability. Life is a bitch and shit happens; accept it and move on.
The economy is shyte, if you do have a job you will probably be fired soon, if you don't, there is absolutely no way you'll be able to get another one for years because you're too old/young/qualified and you won't be entitled to any significant help (even though you've been paying your taxes religiously for decades) because you're not a druggie or have a disability. Life is a bitch and shit happens; accept it and move on.
Now that you are completely hopeless we can begin. You know how they say the best things in life are free? They are absolutely spot on; just think about it! You don't need money to steal! As long as you have a hoodie, you're good to go!
Next time you go to Asda and you realise you don't have enough money to buy bread AND milk, think about this: Jean Valjean did it and he became famous (Les Misérables but you already knew that). Plus, when you inevitably get caught (let's face it, you're no Bonnie or Clyde) you get to spend a few nights in jail where shelter and food are provided for free.
Next time you go to Asda and you realise you don't have enough money to buy bread AND milk, think about this: Jean Valjean did it and he became famous (Les Misérables but you already knew that). Plus, when you inevitably get caught (let's face it, you're no Bonnie or Clyde) you get to spend a few nights in jail where shelter and food are provided for free.
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| Celebrity thief Jean Valjean |
Stealing is not for everyone. Some of you are simply too pretty for jail, I respect that. Fortunately, there are alternatives. Pretend Movie Night! Oh, the fun the little ones have with this one! It works better if you are in a homeless shelter (more people = more cinematic accuracy) but you can do it at home if you set it up right.
Gather your friends and agree on a movie. It could be Scarface, it could be Police Academy 6 - the possibilities are endless! Half of the people present will re-enact it while the other half enjoy and participate in the plot. Next week, the viewers become the actors and vice versa. This works magnificently if the actors pick a movie the viewers haven't seen before and everyone can enjoy bonus fun points for re-enacment of National Geographic documentaries; cinema, theatre and education, all in one big bundle of enjoyment!
Gather your friends and agree on a movie. It could be Scarface, it could be Police Academy 6 - the possibilities are endless! Half of the people present will re-enact it while the other half enjoy and participate in the plot. Next week, the viewers become the actors and vice versa. This works magnificently if the actors pick a movie the viewers haven't seen before and everyone can enjoy bonus fun points for re-enacment of National Geographic documentaries; cinema, theatre and education, all in one big bundle of enjoyment!
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| Fun in the poorhouse |
If you're not too keen on acting and you like to entertain your more adventurous side while making some spondulies in the process, you can try Debt Poker. This thrilling sport can be played once a month and is capable of crowning you King of the Poorhouse or leave you and your family starving, so play at your own risk.
The principle is simple. All the parties present must put the last letters they received from the debt collecting agency on the table, unopened. Then everyone starts betting the way they would if they were playing poker only instead of money, they play for canned goods! In the end there can be only One and the person with the highest amount of money owed or the one with the best bluffing abilities gets to feed the family some nutritious scurvy for a couple of days.
The principle is simple. All the parties present must put the last letters they received from the debt collecting agency on the table, unopened. Then everyone starts betting the way they would if they were playing poker only instead of money, they play for canned goods! In the end there can be only One and the person with the highest amount of money owed or the one with the best bluffing abilities gets to feed the family some nutritious scurvy for a couple of days.
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| You too can be as cool as Captain Jack |
Another great game is Strip Wrestling. For this boisterous 2 or 4 player activity you have to designate a wrestling area (usually a square) and have each player or team choose a corner. This is where the stripping begins!
The objective of the game is to remove the opponent's clothes and throw them outside of the wrestling area boundaries. Any piece of clothing you manage to throw close to your corner now belongs to you! Strip Wrestling doesn't end until one of the two people or both players of the same team are completely naked. If you're playing this game on the street and you're lucky, you might attract spectators willing to bet a few pennies on you and from then on, the sky is the limit.
The objective of the game is to remove the opponent's clothes and throw them outside of the wrestling area boundaries. Any piece of clothing you manage to throw close to your corner now belongs to you! Strip Wrestling doesn't end until one of the two people or both players of the same team are completely naked. If you're playing this game on the street and you're lucky, you might attract spectators willing to bet a few pennies on you and from then on, the sky is the limit.
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| Take it to the limit |
As you can see, you don't have to have money to have a good time, you don't need to be rich to enjoy the finer things in life. All you need to do is accept your situation and work with what you have. You might die of pneumonia this winter since there is no way you can cover your heating bills but no one is stopping you from having a blast until you do!
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