Today we're going to talk about the things I see on my Facebook page that make me want to scream in despair. It has come to the point where I know that every time I log in, one of the first posts I see will be something that will piss me off. Let's break it down.
1. The Tweeter
i just dropd a chip on da flor!!1!!!11! LOL #totalretard
Or the more douche-baggy:
I will be turning my TV off for an hour tonight #savetheplanet
What do you think you're doing?
This is Facebook. You can do the hash-tag posts on Twitter. Twitter is not Facebook. There is a reason I am here and not there. So TAKE YOUR SHIT TO TWITTER MORON! #iwillkillyourlittlebluebirdfasterthanyoucantypeomg
2. The "Get-a-Room"
Oh My God
No one needs to see this. No one cares! I get that love turns you into a flaming homosexual but when you splatter this nonsense all over Facebook, we don't buy it! You don't come out as being in love, you come out of the closet as an insecure little girl who is afraid of dying alone. Cut it out.
3. The Youtuber
X shared this shit, X shared that crap... Video after video, song after song you are driving me insane! One video, OK. Two videos, fair enough. After that, knock it off! If this is your subtle way of making me know you are sad because your girlfriend dumped you or that you are secretly in love with me, send me a private message! What? These songs are not about me? Then why are you spamming my news feed? See where I'm going with this, idiot? PM the asshole whose dick you want to suck. He'll probably say yes anyway. If you're male and you're guilty of this, deactivate your account and go be your lame self somewhere else.
Screw you for subjecting me to this over and over again
4. Da White Thug
Yo yo homie yo
If you're a pasty white 15 year old girl who types like this "yo fuck englis dis homgurl speek ebonics yo!" there is something fundamentally wrong with you. You sound ridiculous, people laugh behind your back and frankly, you make me cringe. I wouldn't say you deserve to die in a fire but you deserve to die in a fire.
5. The Sensitive One
In memory of those who lost the battle against cancer, and those who continue fighting. I pray for a cure. 92% of you won't copy & paste this text to their Facebook profile status, will you? I DID, for those I love. Proud to be part of the 8%!!
The Girl you just called fat? She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs. The Boy you called stupid, he has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night. The Girl you called ugly? She spends hours putting make-up on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There's a lot more to people then you think. Put this as your status if you're against bullying.
And many, many more. The new era chain-mail. If you've done that, you are a moron. It doesn't make you look sensitive and kind. It makes me think of you as the annoying children of the corn that knock on my door at 7 in the morning asking me if I've accepted God as my lord and savior. Honestly, you don't deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us. If you really want to help then...
Bottom line: If you fall into any of the above categories, kindly fuck off and don't come back until you get your shit together.
There's so much more to say on this subject but I have better things to do (consume alcohol). I'll do a follow-up some other time when I'm too drunk to care about spending my time in a constructive way but for now, to all of you sane people out there, keep being awesome!
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