Acting and what will get you in my good books

Acting has been around forever, from Thespis of Icaria and the other Greeks to Brangelina and Ashton Kutcher (oh, the decline). Usually, it's great. Watching movies, going to the theatre, it's all good. The play might be bad, the movie might be unwatchable but not often do people negatively comment on the actors.

Even when someone is bad enough to get a few negative comments, he/she compensates with being handsome or with showing enough skin. Plus, we get confused easily and we seem to be mistaking talent with how often one is on the news or the gossip columns (call me Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta). So here are some actors/actresses that are not very good at their job and the real reasons they're classed as "celebrities".

Kristen Stewart

She's no more talented than a piece of paper. She looks like she's not even trying. Exhaling excessively and violently

and that's about it. And that's exactly why she's famous. Girls look at her and think: If that awkward, ugly, mentally limited, androgynous creature can land itself a fang-less gampire (gay vampire, cheap joke, I know) so can I! And they go about their business, absentmindedly drawing hearts in their Wiccan books. 

Like... yeah

Keanu Reeves

Painful to watch yet mention his name to any female over the age of 14 and they will sigh. All that is required of him is to read his lines, look pretty and occasionally flop his arms around so that the viewers can be reassured that he has not fallen into a coma.

Jack Black

Holy shitjokes Batman. The "adorable" chubby guy and the "hilarious" predicaments he finds himself in. Low tier jokes, sub-par acting, perfect example of a one-trick monkey. Do you have a slapstick comedy script where the hero is "one of us" and takes pride in loud farts? Then I have your leading man right here.

Is your stomach turning already?

Halle Berry

Why she is bad: Catwoman. I rest my case.

Why she is good:

What a piece of... acting!

There you have it. Four terrible actors that compensate for their awfulness with being a. one with the background, b. handsome, c. ordinary and d. a pair of boobs and ass. I can live with that. I have laughed on more than one occasion at all of the above. I like to find the humor in everything. And then there is him:

Nicolas Cage

I find his cinematic existence to be mind-boggling. Who hired him the first time? Which casting director is to blame for bringing this

No-method acting

into the spotlight? And why? He has never acted sufficiently. Not well, sufficiently. Each and every one of his performances have been cringe-worthy and the problem is, he doesn't bring anything else to the table. I could forgive his horridness if he was likeable but he is the exact opposite. Who here wouldn't punch his chin-y face in if they got the chance? Yeah, that's what I thought. I can't blame him completely though. Why do directors let him think that this

is acting or an appropriate reaction to anything for that matter? Mind-boggling.

Bottom line: If you suck at acting, make sure you have something else to amuse me with. And if you're "Nic" Cage (you vain, arrogant bastard) keep away from me because if I see you, I swear, I will kick you so hard that your nuts will turn into ovaries.

And leave your balding head alone. You're not fooling anyone.

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