11. Freddy Got Fingered - 2001
*My closest friend and I are, to this very day, "selling" this movie to the people we hate as a brilliant masterpiece. So to anyone who might be reading this that has heard us talking about Passion in the Desert in an orgasmic manner, now you know.
Disgusting, disturbing and ridiculous. And pathetic. Repulsive, unecessary and lame. Moronic and childish. Think of any negative adjectives and they can be used to describe this movie. The good thing is it doesn't take itself seriously. The bad thing is it exists and now, the image of Tom Green masturbating an elephant will forever be the backdrop of my nightmares.
Can you believe Drew Barrymore played a part in this film and not only shagged him, but actually married this douche?
12. Passion in the Desert - 1998
The Scarlett Johansson of movies. A man gets into a relationship with a leopard he calls Simoom. Yes, you read that right. A man falls in love with a leopard. Honoré de Balzac wrote it, someone turned it into a movie and art-freaks everywhere rejoiced. Unfortunately, if you want to find out exactly how bad Passion in the Desert is, you will have to watch it simply because there are no words in any language to precisely describe it.
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| I know what you're thinking and no, that's not Leigh Francis |
*My closest friend and I are, to this very day, "selling" this movie to the people we hate as a brilliant masterpiece. So to anyone who might be reading this that has heard us talking about Passion in the Desert in an orgasmic manner, now you know.
13. Battlefield: Earth - 2000
In 1982 L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the religion of Scientology, wrote a science fiction novel. In 2000 it was turned into a movie and John Travolta starred in it for no reason other than him being of the same faith.
It wasn't a good enough reason.
Note: I shouldn't really say words like "faith" and "religion" when referring to Scientology seeing as it's an utterly moronic concept but I'm feeling generous today.
14. Killer Klowns from Outer Space - 1988
15. Gigli - 2003
Note: I shouldn't really say words like "faith" and "religion" when referring to Scientology seeing as it's an utterly moronic concept but I'm feeling generous today.
14. Killer Klowns from Outer Space - 1988
Alien clowns use ray guns to wrap people in a cotton candy cocoon they can feed off. Killer pies may or may not be involved (they are) in this classic horridness from the 80s. Cotton candy and pies. Oh, and pop corn that turns into mini clownesque creatures. Fantastic!
This right here, this is the stuff dreams are made of.
This right here, this is the stuff dreams are made of.
15. Gigli - 2003
IMDB describes it as violent story about a criminal lesbian (Ben Affleck), a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold (Justin Bartha), and a retarded man (Jennifer Lopez). I would simply describe it as violent (towards my senses) and retarded. J-Lo and Ben Affleck are more horrible than ever with no chemistry between them and sadly, not even Al Pacino, who inexplicably appears out of nowhere for a couple of scenes and then fucks off, can save this wreck of a movie. And yes, yes, I know, the names. But maybe this casting would have made it a bit more interesting.
Give this woman an Oscar!
These past few days that I've been writing about these movies I've actually felt my IQ drop quite a few points. I really need to watch a normal film tonight. Part IV will have to wait until I feel emotionally prepared to go through another psychological fist-fucking. Until then...
Gobble, gobble.
Part I here
Part II here
Give this woman an Oscar!
These past few days that I've been writing about these movies I've actually felt my IQ drop quite a few points. I really need to watch a normal film tonight. Part IV will have to wait until I feel emotionally prepared to go through another psychological fist-fucking. Until then...
Gobble, gobble.
Part I here
Part II here
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