How to defend yourself against zombies pt II

So, where were we? Ah, yes, you're in the supermarket.

You may have access to a huge quantity of canned goods for now but you need to think long-term since no one knows if zombies will "die" after a while. If they don't, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility of having to stay in there for a few years so make sure you have enough people to protect the fort from the rotting corpses but not so many that will finish off whatever food you have in a few months. 

Make sure there are women in the group; you don't want to be one of the last survivors on the face of the earth only to find yourself surrounded by Jack, John, Jim, Steve, Brian, Matt and Rick. The same applies if you're a woman but not a nymphomaniac.

Just sayin'

Check the doors a few times a day to make sure they are holding up. Reinforce them daily. Use flashlights at night but be sure to conserve batteries. Think of everything as potential weapons. You have a lot of wood and knives in your disposal; use them to make stakes - generally, make pointy things. The reason I haven't mentioned  firearms is because if you have one you know what to do but keep in mind that bullets don't last forever - you will have to make pointy things at some point (Focus: this is no time for stupid puns). 

Be ready to stab your best friend in the brain if you have to. Zombies don't get emotional and neither should you.

Little Lucy, how you've grown

After a few days of observing them you know what kind of habits the zombies have picked up. Use your knowledge of the enemy to your advantage. If you feel the need to go look for more people, use a bicycle from the store. The roads are probably blocked from abandoned cars and debris and a bicycle can take you places your feet can't plus it doesn't make any noise and right now that might be the difference between life and death. On the downside, it's not very safe. Be ready to abandon ship and go on foot at any time but for now, cover up and go.

Be completely silent. If you do find people tell them to be quiet and wait for you in a specific apartment with a balcony, on the second floor of a building. Once you are ready, find a truck and use it - the keys are probably in the driver's house (if you know him) or in the truck itself. Otherwise, learn how to hotwire cars now, just to be on the safe side (Think of it as taking up a trade; in times of need, you'll never go hungry and with the economy being shyte, you might have to reconsider your ethics). Park the truck under the balcony. Have the people jump on top of it and get in the back. Do not have them come down the stairs. You don't know if the zombies have managed to get in. Be quick and make sure you've saved at least one doctor or nurse.

Don't rescue him

If after a month or so there are thousands of "healthy" zombies outside, stay in your supermarket for as long as you have to. If the zombies still look "fresh" but do not roam the streets in huge numbers, it's time to move on. Load trucks with food, water, medicine and condoms (don't start having babies until you know what the situation really is and if you can protect the pregnant women) and head for the mountains - not forests. Only visit cities when you need supplies and only go for the big stores. Never go inside buildings you suspect have no second exit and never go downstairs. Fuck basements - there are no exits and zombies can access them comfortably but they don't have the dexterity needed to easily walk up stairs and they definitely cannot climb. Keep moving upwards.

In the occasion that the zombies seem to be dying off and you followed my strategy, you are prepared to outlast them so keep calm and wait. 

Wait.

Are they all dead? No?

Wait.

Wait.

Now? Everyone is dead?

Congratulations, you survived your first Zombie Apocalypse. 

Now clean up the mess, burn the dead and go repopulate the earth. 

Go have sex.

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