Waste money in style

Do you sometimes spend money on things that, not long later, you realise you don't really need? If yes, feel free to treat this post as a shopping list for Christmas - thank me later. If not, you get to feel superior by laughing at the people who actually waste money on completely useless products. No matter what, there is something for you here. 

Who needs money anyway?

I was already having a few products in mind for this post but after a couple of hours researching the web I started having second thoughts. If millions and millions of people buy these things I'm about to bash, then maybe I'm the idiot who doesn't get the appeal. And it's true. I am an idiot and I don't get the appeal but those are two completely unrelated things so, here goes.

Moneywaster No1: The Better Marriage Blanket

One of the two blankets featured in this post, the BMB supposedly absorbs farts and breaks them down to stinky molecules so tiny that they are stinky no more! Is this enough to save your marriage? Sure it is! Next time your spouse mentions divorce, just give them this blanket as a gift and everything will be forgotten.

It took me ages to find an appropriate sample of 1,000,000 people so respect the charts

Coincidence? I think not. It works for farts, feet, sweaty balls smell... everything. Don't be another statistic, save your marriage now for only $29.95!

Celebrities known to be using this product: Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Stewart (works on hobo smell too), Jack Black 

Moneywaster No2: The Potty Putter

Fuck me sideways, I don't get this. When I'm sitting on the toilet with my pants around my ankles, pushing like octomom in labour, the last thing I want to be doing is focusing on getting the ball in the hole. Plus, it can't be very sanitary. 

Those damn paparazzi will stop at nothing

It looks pretty ridiculous to me but then again, I read the Twilight books in the toilet. I find laughter helps when I'm constipated.

Celebrities known to be using this product: Bruce Forsyth, William Roache

Moneywaster No3: Hawaii Chair

I won't even try to describe it; just watch.

What the hell just happened?

Why have I never been in an office where someone is actually sitting on one of these?

What the hell just happened?

Moneywaster No4: The Snuggie 

No one seems to like it but they have sold more than a gazillion blankets so that can only mean one thing: Some of you are lying bastards who hide their Snuggies in the closet next to their porn collection (yes, people still do this - or so I hear). I've said it before, you might think it's stupid but it's surprisingly effective. It keeps you warm the same way putting your coat on backwards would but you don't usually pretend to be a Jedi when wearing your coat, do you?

If you don't feel threatened, there's something wrong with you

Other than that, it's pretty much useless.

Celebrities known to be using this product: Me. Fuck the system.

Moneywaster No5: Fundies

Underwear... for two.

Yeah.

Celebrities known to be using this product: Brangelina, TomKat, Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen

I have to go have a life for a while (blatant lie) so expect a part II at some point. If you buy something stupid by then and you want your amazing purchase featured (anonymously or not), drop me a line.

Until tomorrow...

May the Force be with you

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