Lady Gaga can suck my big, juicy disco stick

The fact that people seem to like Gaga fascinates me, let's start with that. To this very day, my brain cannot process how that attention craving phony can be considered an artist. Let me make myself clear. I do think she is a show-woman but under no circumstance do I think she is an artist. The distinction is very important to me. 

For example, people who can and like to draw and are successful in conveying their thoughts and feelings to other people using that skill, are artists. The guy who gives himself paint enemas and squirts the fluid out of his ass on the canvas on the other hand, well, he is just there to make me laugh. If I ever let him take my money it won't be because he is a brilliant artist but because when I hang out with my friends, we enjoy mocking deluted idiots. Gaga falls in the second category. 

For a NSFW picture of said "artist" click here

They say that history repeats itself every 30 years and I generally find this saying to be spot on. So, between David Bowie getting older and Madonna turning into a scary man, the throne was left unattended and Gaga found the perfect opportunity to weasel herself in. 

Horrifying

Self-proclaimed super-human, she announces she has the power to change the world through her music, all the while wearing a dress made of meat. Or plastic. Or Kermits. Underdogs everywhere rejoice and proudly wear the Gaga badge, almost religiously identifying themselves as her “little monsters”. To repay them for their loyalty, she writes music. She writes songs with deep meanings, lyrics that have the ability to give everyone goosebumps as our hearts flutter in the sound of sheer brilliance. 

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga Ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance 

Po-Po-Po-Poker face, Po-Po-Poker face 

Alejandro, Alejandro. Ale-ale-jandro, Ale-ale-jandro 

And my personal favorite 

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth 

Out on the edge of glory , and I'm hanging on a moment with you 

I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge 

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you 

I'm on the edge with you 

This is a brilliant and innovative artist? Re-re-Gaga OMG re-re-really you guys? She can sing, I won’t question that but everything else… Every time I happen to listen to a Gaga song, it always reminds me of another Gaga song that always reminds me of another Gaga song that always reminds me of a Madonna song. People only bother with her because of this:

Gaga inside-out

Every one of those frogs feel embarassed to be there

Have I scared you enough?

She makes millions of dollars attacking our senses in a malicious way and I can live with that as long as we call it how it is. I find her appealing from a comedic aspect but not aesthetically and certainly not artistically. She wanted to be famous and her voice wasn’t enough - it probably would have been 20 years ago but not today. She doesn’t have a pretty face, she has a pretty forgettable body so, what was left for her to use? Her daddy-issues.

Successfully spreading STDs since 1998

She made her songs repetitive betting on the same trick cults have been using for years: The “chant”. Made her lyrics controversial and her videos borderline pornographic. Her stylist dressed parts of her body in ugly trash leaving the rest naked, covered her manly face in hundreds of layers of Halloween make-up and gave her a female tea-cup to carry around like an idiot. And her publicist, Satan, makes sure her shameless promotion doesn’t stop at anything – perfect example being the release of “Judas” a week before Easter and the release of Born This Way on Farmville (named Gagaville for the occasion). From a marketing point of view, brilliant. From any other point of view, selling-out.

I rest my case

I dislike her vigorously but that's not the issue here. This very elaborate media charade is faulty since it's partly based on the "is she for real" argument. Her followers seem to think that her persona is real and that their idol is just eccentric in a very unique way. Then why did little old Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta choose "Lady Gaga" as her artistic name? To me that just shows that she knew very well what she wanted to do and just how far she was willing to stretch it. On the other hand, if she is for real, would people really idolize her instead of getting her help?

Bottom line: Gaga sucks and my eyes and ears have suffered enough. I grew up in the 80s for fuck's sakes! If you tell me you like her, just know, I can't help but judge you a little. And if the media don't stop shoving her down my throat every other day I might take it out on you. Physically. 

Tweet