Invitation to a placenta party

Placentophagy (from 'placenta' + Greek φαγειν, to eat)

Women eating their placentas. I'm not even joking here. They eat THIS:

Crazy hippies

I suppose everything goes with some fava beans and a nice Chianti but, women, have you lost your minds? The reasoning behind the cannibalism is that it is very nutritious and supposedly it helps with postpartum depression. And after you eat it you dance naked in the moonlight. OK, maybe not the last part (or at least not for everyone) but still, has the world gone completely mental?

Cooking the placenta

Have we detached ourselves from our animalistic origins in such a dramatic way that we feel the need to do something so drastic to get in touch with nature again? Why don't we just turn off our phones and computers and go on vacation to the mountains instead? Why must we always resort to the most "edgy" option first? 

You are not special

You know who is to blame? Tom Cruise. That idiot came out and said he was gonna eat Katie Holmes' placenta right after the birth of their first child (he didn't do it) and mentally defective women everywhere started thinking: If the Scientologist is doing it, it must have some merit to it! He had no problem saying that to a reporter but he still hasn't come out of the closet. Priorities people! No one cares if you're gay but there are impressionable women in their 30s looking up to you (my fingers almost refused to type then) who are now organizing placenta-parties and making freaking menus out of their afterbirths (Google is your friend).

Yep. That's placenta on their plates.

The main pro-placenta-eating argument is that animals do it and we are animals therefore, it's justified. What they fail to mention is that animals do it to avoid attracting predators to their newborns. Who is threatening to eat your newborn in the hospital, Mrs Woodstock? The only person I see going for the barbeque sauce with cannibalistic intentions is you. Also, animals eat the placenta raw. I would like to see how many of you would agree with this practice if you had to chow it down blood, goo and everything.

Besides, animals don't wear clothes, they have sex anywhere they please, don't ride cars, don't have comfy couches and slankets (mock all you want, I'm not the one losing fingers to frostbite every time I reach for the remote) and most importantly, people are not animals, you air-headed buffoons!

Bottom line: I'm gonna practice what I preach and I'm not going to eat a placenta for as long as I live. And if I can do it, so can you. Just say NO.

Morons.

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