Why some adverts make me want to punch kittens

I'm going to keep it short and sweet today. I'm sorry in advance for subjecting you to this:

Basically this advert has been polluting my senses lately. It really baffles me how advertisers can come up with incoherent nonsense like that polished turd you just watched and insist on shoving them down our throats every 15 minutes. Ever since that commercial Nicole Kidman did for Chanel, it all went downhill. 

At first it was Charlize Theron galloping down a never-ending hallway while taking off her clothes. The unexpected success shocked everyone over at Dior who thought it would be a brilliant idea to try and repeat the triumph. So they had her randomly gallop by dead celebrities, including a particularly spooky Marilyn Monroe whose face is melting off for some reason, all right before she tries to kill the runway with her pointy hooves. 

She WILL come for you tonight

Congratulations on the awards and everything but we're talking about Charlize Theron getting undressed - you did not exactly invent the wheel here. She owes her whole career to that Martini commercial where she first exposed her succulent backside, she knows it and and we know it. Stop pretending you are creating art.

And then there's our dear nan, Naomi Watts, looking amazed and a little bit confused in the Thierry Mugler ad.

Because every woman can identify with putting on a fozillion dollar gown, getting on the rooftop, smelling her feather boa and then walking around a room full of tin foil.

Fuck you. 

Did you see him creepily linger there, in the end? With the power of your boobs combined, he still has a better chance at selling me anything.

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