I had my mind set on doing this post today but when I found out that Steve Jobs had died I decided against it - I didn't want people to think I was doing it for that reason. But, this morning I decided against deciding against it since this really has nothing to do with Steve Jobs plus, no matter when I write it, certain pompous cockmuppets will not like it. So here it goes.
PCs are better. Oh, no! Did I give away the ending? No, I didn't because you all know I'm right. Take a look at Apple's "creative" campaign and tell me it doesn't target teenagers, Twilight fans and apparently, people who hate their (or their parents') money. This is what they did:
They put a suit on a dorky chubster with a receding hairline and called him a PC. Awww... PCs are all about work and they're not much to look at - not cool dude! On the other hand they gave their Mac the cute, "forever young" face of Justin Long, casual, comfy clothes, sporadic facial hair and, what is that? He nonchalantly has his hands in his pockets? OMG, WTF he must be cool! Macs are the best!
Screw you Apple and your lies! See that man on the left? He works for a living and he probably started off with nothing but look at him now. He works hard, he betters himself all the time and his reward is that he is in his 30s and he's already someone's boss. No, the guy on the right does not have a boss. Actually, he doesn't have a job. Yup, he's still living with his parents and he's not really going anywhere since they're supporting his mild pot-addiction. That's what I think when I see your ads Apple and you know what? My interpretation is spot on.
Get a PC and you get options. You can upgrade EVERYTHING and it will work with your 10 year old printer, no questions asked. Pay double, get a Mac and you have the technological equivalent of Edward Cullen. A sparkly teenager, frozen in time, maybe a bit more functional than a photograph. The only way to upgrade a Mac is to buy a new one. And try, just try to use your old-ish peripherals. Not gonna happen. Games? Don't make me laugh!
Let's make their ad a bit more truthful, shall we?
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| Hi, I'm a Mac And I'm a motherfuckin' PC - now bend over |
That's marketing accuracy. Aquaman works in a specific environment that no human can live in and his superpowers(?) include and are limited to talking to fishes and asking them to do favours for him. And he can swim. Exactly like Macs. If you want to draw or watch YouTube videos then, sure, a Mac can do that. You can update your Facebook, too. But why would you waste a huge amount of money on just "browsing"? Oh and, do you see the hand? Poor Aquaman lost it in fight with Charybdis. He is a superhero with one hand.
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| One button. ONE BUTTON! |
Iron Man on the other hand, is the epitome of badassery. He is the coolest geek - he actually gave himself superpowers and he enjoys constantly upgrading the fuck out of them. Reminds you of something? My comparison works on a philosophical level, too. Everyone knows who Iron Man really is - a PC allows you have an identity since you can customize it to perfectly suit your needs. And you're not just another pretentious fucktard, you are Tony Stark beeotch!
Sure, sometimes Iron Man malfunctions but he fixes himself right up. No need to stay in some Apple hospital for weeks before he can kick some ass again! Right then and there, that's how Tony rolls. Apple will try to convince you that their products never crash, which is a lie. Everything crashes. Maybe they crash less but let's not forget that wear and tear is directly proportional to the use you are getting out of something. If you only used your PC "ironically", it would never crash. Ever.
Macs are good for checking emails though. I'll give them that.
